Updates and hard conversations

The local medical oncologist and MD Anderson agree that the cancer looks stable, and we are continuing with the current chemotherapy, FOLFIRI. The next scan will be in mid-April to determine whether it is still working, and we are thankful these scans will happen locally to us.

We are chugging along in life, taking each day at a time and being patient with our feelings.

Navigating this journey has been difficult. Zach and I have had many conversations about our fears if the cancer gets worse and what that looks like. However, that conversation is more complex to have with a child. It had been on my heart for many months and came up organically last week. It was the most challenging conversation we have had so far.

We talked about death and what it might feel like when Zach dies. We can’t say if he dies because we ALL die. We did talk about the fact that we don’t know when we will die, and we need to live each day to the fullest. We talked about how we might feel if Zach died earlier than being an old, wrinkly man. We talked about our fears surrounding that event. It was a long, hard conversation, but we did it with tears, piles of tissues, lots of hugs, and a tardy arrival at school the next day.

We talked about things Silas wants to experience with Zach, and he told us he wants to play golf at St. Andrews, have a picnic in a bunker, walk The Old Course, and fish. So that night, I did what any mom would do: I researched those things, and we booked flights to Scotland.

It feels odd to make those plans, but we also recognize we aren’t promised tomorrow, and there is no reason to postpone a trip we will never forget. Whether we live until we are old or die young, we won’t regret this trip.

Until next time…

Amber