Things we have learned along the way
When we first found out about the mass in Zach’s liver and then later on that it was metastatic colorectal cancer the amount of initial doctors appointments was astounding. Every doctor wanted something slightly different in testing and blood work so we found we had to come prepared with ALL medical documents.
Asking Questions
Asking questions is something I think I am naturally good at… or just annoying for other people. I have always been a curious person and I think it has served us well here. Before every doctor appointment, we recap where we are in the journey, what the best possible outcome is and the worst and we come up with questions. Using the “If this then that” scenario.
Scan Days and Result Days
“This scan is going to be the big one.” I have felt this way about every scan. Each scan has brought anxiety, stress, fear, uncertainty, worry, and a sense of lack of control. However, until his new medical oncologist told us that each scan was a good decision day we always felt that the doctors told us what we would be doing next, where we didn’t have a say.
We can’t control what the radiology report says, but we do get to choose what treatment options are available to us or the choice of no more treatment.
That mindset change has helped us reframe how we go into each scan. I still think there will be uncomfortable feelings surrounding the scan, but having doctors in your corner who will help you navigate your options is so much better than only being presented with 1 option and being told that is what you should do.
Medical Summary
Putting together a medical summary or “highlight reel” of procedures, chemo and things can help make it easier for new medical professionals to get a quick overview without trying to go through months or perhaps years of medical reports.
How to help
It’s in our nature to help those around us, whether it be financially, or acts of service.
I would much rather be the one helping others than to be the one helped, so this whole experience has been challenging for me.
People often say, “Let me know how I can help/support your family.”
Our family is often living one day at a time, so when someone asks for future dates it is frustrating because we don’t have the luxury of planning that far. You telling us what you can help with is so much more helpful than for us to ask and you can’t do that.
Here is what we have found works well for helping:
Acts of Service Items
Today I am going to Costco (or a regular grocery store), can I pick anything up off your list and bring it to your home after?
I have a couple of free hours this weekend, do you have any yard work that needs to be done?
I am available these days and times, would you like me to take your dog out for a quick walk/potty?
Financially -
Do you have projects around the home that you need help with? I would be happy to pay for a handyman to come over and do an hour or two of work.
I would like to pay for someone to clean up your leaves this fall so you don’t have to worry about it.
I would like to send you some money to help pay for groceries or travel or whatever you need, what is the best way to get you that money?
Faith and Therapy
Our faith in Jesus Christ is what holds this family together. We have prayed for healing, peace, and joy. The two he always promises are peace and joy and we have been so abundantly blessed with those. He doesn’t promise earthly healing, but we know miracles happen every day. So we continue to pray for a healing miracle for Zach. We also pray that we have the courage to accept his will for our lives.
Therapy has also been a huge healing part of this journey emotionally. Equipping ourselves with the tools to move forward, acceptance, and the courage to speak out about our needs and boundaries.