The Truth 5-3-23

Telling Silas

From the beginning, we promised Silas we would tell him the truth. This whole experience has been gut-wrenching, and some truths we were hoping never to mention. However, last night we needed to talk about it as a family.

However, with Zach's scan coming up, the results could go in three different ways.

1. The cancer is still resectable in his liver, and no other cancer is found, so surgery is put back on the table pending another scan after six months of chemo.

2. The cancer is the same in the liver and nowhere else, so surgery might be back on the table pending another scan after six months of chemo.

3. The cancer has spread outside the liver, so they wouldn't undergo surgery and continue chemo. (this is our understanding as of right now)

Number 3 is the one that is anxiety-racking, and this is the one we are afraid of. We can't hide our feelings, and it isn't fair to Silas to hold back the truth because we know it will hurt him. Telling him goes against our parental notions of protecting our child from fear and sadness. However, we failed to recognize that he was already wrestling with that thought. When we explained the different options to Silas, we all cried. What we came away with were closeness and honesty. We felt all the feelings, wiped our tears and watched a movie together.

I have been racked with sadness, anxiety, and fear around this scan for the last few days, and if you saw me over the weekend, I looked burdened, and I was.

For so long, I felt we needed to shield Silas from the idea of death, but what is certain is that we will all die, and breaking down the fear around it can only help us better deal with it.

Death is final, and sadness stays with those still on earth. However, we talked with Silas about what the bible tells us about Heaven and how in Heaven, the person who died isn't sad or in pain; they are only singing and praising God.

As we tucked Silas into bed last night, we prayed for this.

28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

Matthew 11:28-29

Chemo Update:

Zach has been feeling well so far; it's crazy how nausea can differ from week to week. He felt a little something this morning (Wednesday), took a Zofran, and is feeling better.

Next week holds daily doctor appointments and follow-ups. Many of you will be anxious about the results, and we will post the news when we are ready.

-Amber