Ruminating
Our therapist asked us the other day who I write to when I compose these posts. She also told me she read through the posts and thought they were so beautifully written. I laughed when she said that because I always think of Zach as an excellent writer. Perhaps it’s because I have never felt what I wrote about mattered until now. As I sit and ruminate on our lives and our purpose it makes me feel honored that people are willing to read these posts.
I think I write to those who love Zach, to those who know me, and to those who yearn to know they aren’t alone.
Our purpose is so much greater than we will ever know. Our roles as Silas’s parents are so important. We are teaching him how to cope with complex information and feelings. We are teaching him that things are nice, but sometimes simple is better. Zach and I decided to sell his car last week. It made sense since we rarely needed two cars now that he works from home most days and I am filling my days baking sourdough bread and crocheting.
It allowed us to feel less burdened, and we felt immediate relief when it was sold.
Silas started his spring baseball season and is pitching now, as it is his first spring playing kid pitch! Boy, is it an adventure. At the start of the first game, Zach told me that we are now the parents of a pitcher - get ready to be the anxious pitcher parent in the stands. Beyond the nervousness of watching Silas pitch for the first time was complete joy. Zach seeing Silas pitch his first game was something we weren’t sure would happen. Cancer has a way of snaking its way into your life and making you sit on the what-ifs. What we do know is true is that our love for one another and Silas is deep.
Tomorrow will be Zach’s last FOLFIRI treatment, and the next one will be FOLFOX to see if we can get a handle on the cancer. After the four rounds of FOLFOX, we will rescan to see how the cancer is responding. If it continues to grow, we will move to clinical trials.
Besides his pesky, drippy/bloody nose, he is still feeling good.
